Daily Update: best read in Helvetica
yodel yodel, Andyconstructionists. Welcome to the Daily Update: The only daily blog specifically engineered to be printed out and made into a paper airplane that is not safe for children.
–While you are out having fun with paper airplanes, you be sure to think about how many times you have littered. On the upside, think about how many times you have picked up some asshole’s trash. Now think about how I just called you an asshole.
I’ve never been proficient at paper airplane-ing. All the kids in the neighborhood could make these graceful gliders and cool spirally, spinny thingies. I was only good at making the fastest paper airplane by balling up a piece of paper around a rock and throwing it as hard as possible. All the kids would say, “That’s not a fucking paper airplane you prick. you are just throwing rocks!” And I would say, “don’t be jealous ‘cause mine is the fastest” and they would say, “that’s only because you can throw harder than us because you are like 30 fucking years old!” and I would say, “hey, I am 28 and you kids need to watch your mouths.” We had some crazy times this summer.
–oh come the fuck on now 
go fuck yourself
–kind of in a rush, gotta get straight to Headline Jokes
- Illinois launches Asian carp anti-hunger program…we can’t let these fish go hungry
- Texas prisons end special last meals in executions…all brisket from here on out
- Former Atlanta panda is male, not female…Midtown Atlanta is sad that it’s favorite transgender panda has moved
- SeaWorld trainers told to use caution with whale…trainers up to this point have been carelessly handling the “killer” whales
- Obama won’t weigh in on Georgia execution…he has seen what happens to innocent black men
short one I know. Make it up to the huddled masses tomorrow
-&y S&ford
