Daily Update: Giving Up is the Key to Success

Gudday Andy-roos! This is not an Andy-ruse, it is the Daily Update: The only Daily blog that claims to have heard about homonyms before they became cool. No big deal though. If you’ve heard one homonym, you’ve heard ‘em all. No wait…if you have heard half of the homonyms, you’ve heard 'em all(?)…no no, if you have heard one homonym, you know there’s another one that sounds like it… hmm, well that homonym aphorism doesn’t sound very cool, so I bet there’s another one that sounds just as uncool…*DING DING* we did it! Longest intro EVER!

–I heard a staggering statistic while standing on my stoop, thinking of “st” words. Did you know that in my home state of Georgia, 1.1 Million kids dropped out of high school? I, of course, am not included in this. I would be somewhere in the dropout statistics for 2001. Regardless, this is just the state of Georgia. And yes, Georgia may be the biggest state in the country of America/Canada, but that doesn’t mean these kinda numbers aren’t also prevalent in the other lower 37 states. 

Someone needs to teach these kids the importance of a high school diploma: none. Stop wasting time and money enrolling in GED programs and all that hullabaloo…you can just say that you graduated high school on your shitty job application. Hell, go ahead and check the “some college” box. No one knows or cares about your background at your shitty job. 

Kids: If you are thinking about dropping out of school but wonder what the repercussions might be, you need to drop the fuck out right this instant. Chances are, if you are dumb enough to think that you need to graduate high school in order to say you graduated high school: you probably aren’t going to be able to graduate high school anyway.

–Here is a pie chart having something to do with the dropout rate for foreigners that they themselves will never understand

I dunno about all this shit; but if I had a pie chart to represent how much I like pie…would it be mostly empty?

–Enough edumacatin’…here are Headline Jokes

  • Lawsuit claims banks cheated veterans with fees…there go those veterans tryin’ to soil the good name of banks
  • House sends White House a short-term spending bill…roommate took out the bill and pretended not to see it
  • Bernanke warns recovery 'close to faltering’…planning recovery recovery
  • Airport tries new security screening…asking a stranger if a stranger packed their bags has become tedious 
  • Wall Street protests spread…into other police sanctioned areas that don’t get in anyone’s way and allow protesters to mill about politely

-so the lesson of today’s update: drop out of school, and you aren’t making a difference

-&y S&ford