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Upon reflection, I rewrote last night’s rant. I am not Batman.
Are you a comedian? Do you host a show? Have you ever said, “your next comedian is a girl?” Why?
Have you ever said, “your next comedian is a guy?”
Have you ever said, “your next comedian is black?”
Why would you say, “your next comedian is hot?” Why would you say, “your next comedian is fuckable?”
How about “your next comedian is a comedian?”
Why marginalize someone based on gender? What if your next comedian was a girl, but not someone you found attractive? Would you say “your next comedian is gross?” Who do you think you are? How dare you?
We are all comedians. If these arguments still do not make sense to you, then maybe this one will. It’s been done already. You’re a hack if you do it.We are here because we’ve been marginalized by society to some degree already. We have all sought our refuge inside comedy. It’s our safest place. None of us has the right to take that from another. It’s not easy being a comedian. Even the most successful deal with loneliness and the day to day road life that isn’t fun, no matter how much money is in your pocket. We shouldn’t make it harder for other comics to be comics. It’s hard enough already. I understand comedians like to bust balls and shit talk and whatever but I’m talking about real shit. Groping. Making moves on girls after being asked not to. Never referring to a female comedian as anything except female comedian. Marginalizing and dismissing other fucking comedians out of hand based on personal prejudices. We are all just comics. It’s all garbage we wrote into a notebook. We aren’t entitled shit. We certainly don’t get to victimize another comedian just because she’s a girl, or a guy if you’re a predatory lady. (Understand you can’t do this to anyone, but comedy is where I have influence, at least with some who have influence.) We are on the same team and if you aren’t, you’re not on the fucking team anymore. It has to end. Louis isn’t a threat anymore because it’s as public as it’s gonna get, most likely. But other comics are a threat.
If you are sexually predatory, you should get help. Find a therapist. Seek treatment. Perhaps, leaving the the scene for awhile will aid in your recovery. Sometimes it’s better to avoid the temptation. Avoid the triggers. However, if you don’t get treatment, you seek retribution on someone because you think he/she “ratted” you out or you go after someone you’ve victimized, or you continue to engage in predatory behavior, your name and actions will be so public so fast you won’t even have a life outside comedy. It will all go away. A comedian’s power comes from the microphone. This is how we deal with things. So, no one is gonna fight anyone. No one is getting thrown down stairs. No one is getting victimized back. Those of us in the community who find this behavior disgusting should no longer be silent. It is kinda our business, too. Same team or off the team. Your next comedian is a comedian.
I’m reaching out to comedians with this. There’s not a lot of predatory creeps, but they do exist and they shouldn’t anymore in our scene. We are all comedians. Same team. If this type of behavior is occurring in your scene, let people know. People care. Other comics care. You aren’t the only one this has happened to. There are, unfortunately, too many to list. If you don’t know who to talk to, feel free to reach out to me. My email is [email protected]. I’m a good listener and I might even know someone in your town who’s a decent human who would be glad to help you out. We need to work together. Same team.
The options are clear. Stop being a predator. Get help. Seek treatment. Make a real life change.
heads up, Cincinnati, I’m comin at ya with jokes in July.
Tonight: “Cool Shit” @3 Kings Tavern
Tomorrow night: Soiled Dove Underground(8pm) & “Tickle Moster” @The Bug Theater(10pm)
Temple Horses had me in their newest sketch as a commentator for the World Series of Cornhole. Check it out.
Hey my record label made a cool lil soundcloud clip of my High School/Who’s On First bit if yer into that kinda thing
Lord knows there’s enough op-ed current event tweet/blog/statuses, but I can’t resist pointing out that TLC has always been a morally bankrupt turd factory of a channel.
If you can remember the appalling TLC series, “Tias and Tiaras,” then you probably remember the spin-off, “Here Comes Honey boo boo.” We can make fun of how white trash that family is, sure, but keep in mind that those goobers were exploited for peanuts (3k per ep for the whole bunch!). It became the number one show on television, and when the season was over and contracts were up for renewal, it was leaked that the mom was dating a child molester. Something TLC was well aware of. These networks comb through every detail of their products lives (I was a part of a NatGeo pilot that didn’t pan out, and they already needed to know about any prior arrests/charges I had before we finished filming it)…trust me: they know about everything, and especially anything damaging.
The show was canceled when they wanted to cancel it. The boo boo family(?) were able to demand their proper cut, and the show’s novelty would have likely worn off after another season…and the best part: TLC actually got to take the moral high ground by canceling the show after the news was somehow mysteriously leaked to TMZ.
So when I hear speculation about whether TLC knew of the allegations made against Duggar years ago, it’s like people STILL don’t get it….Of course they knew! Are you nuts? They don’t give a shit. They wouldn’t give a crippled crab a crutch. If the ratings were right, they’d do a “5 Molested Kids & Counting” spin-off. Of course Josh Duggar is an absolute monster. I just think it is sickening that people are actually applauding TLC for “taking the moral high ground” (AGAIN!) without realizing that they are in fact just standing on top of molested children.
Ok, sorry. As you were.
Episode #96: Andy “a man with needs” Sandford (“Conan,” “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”) joins the podcast to talk about an epic trip of debauchery that the now-sober Dan St Germain made to Atlanta several years ago - its amazing that they survived that lost weekend as well as this episode where Dan and Sean get on each other’s case to the point where Dan defends himself as “an American,” because “he has a beard, a balls, and a heart.” Tom also took advantage of the situation to chastise Sean and much yelling ensued.
***The folks over at Connected Comedy asked me to write a guest article about my recent appearance on CONAN. It’s definitely for comedians, but who knows, ya may find it interesting***
I recently got to live out a longtime dream of telling my dumb jokes on CONAN.
Any comedian who has achieved some sort of goal or milestone in comedy (big or small) has had another comedian ask them, “How’d you get that?”
The question itself can have a rude connotation. It can be taken as, “How’d YOU get that and not me?” It could also imply that you “got” it, as opposed to having earned it. That being said, I prefer to assume the best intentions behind “How’d you get that?” because I am very aware that comedy is a pursuit which can leave you aimlessly flummoxed, and there is no real guide book (sorry, Judy Carter).
So when Connected Comedy asked if I’d be interested in writing a guest article about the experience, I figured I’d write what I’d want to read about if I was reading this instead of writing it. So I’ll do my best to appease the me that would be reading this.
Attention all Fandy Fandfords: I will be tellin jokes on CONAN Thursday May 7th. Please tune in! Here is some amazing artwork by mostlypenises in honor of this news.
I’ve been doin comedy in NYC for almost 4 years, and I still think about/am thankful for the ATL comedy scene I started in. One of the best parts about Atlanta is there is very little industry presence. It can serve as a perfect training facility for stand up that is kinda hidden away from the bullshit. The scene started to really explode about a year and a half after I started. Everything seemed to click with the comics coming up or relocating from smaller cities, and the venues that facilitated quality stagetime. I remember a palpable sense of progression and pushing yourself. I was consistently blown away by my friends and their new shit, and I knew I better not go up with some ol bullshit when my peers were bringin heat. There was definitely an unspoken obligation to bring it and not be a comedy wuss. Complaining about when you were going up or who you had to follow was unthinkable. Having a meltdown over a bad set was out of the question. This is the way I think it should be.
Another Friday is here, the work week is over, and Edgeland is in your ear canal. This week on the show Bill talks about the time he witnessed some police brutality, and surprisingly he is on the side of the cops on this one. In the interview portion of the show Bill talks with Joe Hardcore, the man behind This Is Hardcore Fest (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram). Joe talks about being exposed to metal early on, Bad Luck 13 breaking everything, and how kids might be too wimpy these days. In the non edge column Bill talks with stand up comedian Andy Sandford (Twitter). Conversation topics include skateboarding, stand up comedy, and the parallels between the two. A great episode to help you through the day.
I don’t see why I have to file taxes when every time I get paid, they misspell my last name. My own record label even.
Wilmingtonians: You got a killer comedy club in your charming coastal town. This weekend, you should probably go see Todd Barry Friday and then Me Saturday. However, if you have to choose one, I’m sure Todd won’t be offended.
“Craigslist Parolee” with Taylor Ketchum, Steve Forrest, and myself. Enjoy!
I’m havin a real shitty week. Shittier than I may let on. The shittiest even. Not gonna go into specifics, don’t need to; but I’d like to point out that the dumbass jokes I write for the stage, or even on fb, are the best way for me to deal with weeks like these so that I don’t go beating the shit out of the first drunk guy that mouths off to me in a bodega. Everyone should be so lucky to have somethin they know helps. I know it’s semantics whether comedy is considered “art” and some people think that’s a stretch. Well I don’t, because it can really do a lot.
here’s a promo for my upcoming episode of Comedians In Public where I try to tell jokes to people on Chat roulette