Blogging for posterity

I’ve been slept on plenty, and lemme tell ya, that’s where you wanna be. If you are good at what you do and people tell you you’re owed recognition, or fame, or industry attention, those people don’t know that people in general do not care. It’s not that weird that someone is actually better than status might imply. In fact, that’s the yoosh. It’s rare to see a comedian that struck a chord with you and blew you away, but it happens. Just out of an obsession to be good at this shit, I have blown some people’s minds that found themselves laughing at my shit despite thinking comedy was dumb or cringe or something lame before. And they act like I might be surprised, but of course I’m not. I know what i’m doing, and that person doesn’t. I didn’t fuck up a lifetime of things to be mediocre at the one thing I do know about. People wish they could choose what to laugh at, but they can’t really. You can learn to entertain groups of people you can’t even stand sometimes. It’s a skill you hone to be good at your job. I have no clue what proper recognition feels like, but it seems scary to have people think you are as good as you actually are. 

I dunno how to do my best without thinking about the folks waiting for you to be not shit. This pandemic has changed shit, and people, but it also simplifies your goals. Makes you reaffirm a standard or maybe raise your standard outta nowhere. If other people knew my best stuff was really just as good as it could be despite my tiny mistakes throughout, and cowardliness in not being good enough to tackle certain stuff yet…you’d assume I was beating myself up. But that’s totally true. Only you know really how good you are on all cylanders. I’m flattered that people can appreciate my past stuff and I can be proud of it cuz it meets a certain standard, but I can always tell when I make a ;leap right before or while I’m making it. I love that feeling more than anything. Like you know a lil secret. I think stand up has been kicked so hard being as unnecessary as it is during a pandemic, that those of us who need it and lives are attuned to constantly working on it are kinda over this bullshit. If you think stand up is lame or cringey and are embarrassed by it, please don’t tell me about it, becuase you’re dead ass wrong and it angers me tbh. I purposely do stand up in a way that makes sure I’m not a fuckin goober. As a crowd of people, you really don’t have much choice in the matter. If you’re listening, I will probly get you. Some humor is just higher truth solidified. Laughter is involuntary. I will trick you if I want to, most likely. The art is tricking you into the stuff I want to be discussed and pondered later etc. I miss tricking people en mass, big time. The few sets I’ve done have reminded me that rust shakes right off when it’s preceded by 13 years of diligence. Comedy is so terribly needed, and I can’t wait to be at full steam again. 

I’m sitting on my best material I’ve ever had, and writing the stuff I’ve been wanting to write for a while. As soon as I get back to Jedi mode, put together and record it as an album, I already know it will be better than the last two things I did. I wasn’t sure about that before, but I know when a feeling means something and I know when I am right cuz it so rarely happens. It’s a perfect time to remind everyone that you can’t fake the funk. Good can be good enough to set itself apart and be undeniable. It’s true. If you don’t think stand up can be artful, I pity you. When you see a master midstroke or brush up on brilliance yourself, you can feel it. If you come back to doing comedy after all this and find yourself feeling set back and lost, you just dunno that you can be ten times better tomorrow if you just knew what that’d look like. I guess my point is that if you have it in you to dive back into the pursuit of comedy, why not put thought into everything? Why not give a shit? There’s gonna be early mics filled with self defeated comics that are almost embarrassed to try. There always is. You know, I’ve never regretted acting like I’m trying and making the jokes good. Jokes work when you can relax and trust the joke teller. I can’t hardly listen to comics that half apologize for being up there. I’ve reached a point where if you ask me for notes then buckle up, cuz I will tell you everything that went wrong and you may not be ready to know it’s more than you suspected. I can appreciate the ability to take a hard knock on the chin and see the truth in it. That’s who survives in this racket. 

It’d just be great to remind everyone of what they’ve been neglected. 

If you appear to be hustlin, make sure there’s purpose. Wasted energy on the grind without much thought is so exhausting. I’m too old to pretend to be grinding around. I love what I do, it’s never been a grind to me. I get a lot out of the process and have proven to myself too many times that you can set your sights on something out of reach and will yourself to it by just being legit. No one wants to hear they can always be better, and no one wants to hear they are not better enough yet…but yer not. Embrace the humbling experience of something extremely hard. You know when you have leveled up, cuz everyone else is surprised. It’s the best to know you could be that much better and then turn out to be right. Once you are competent at all, no one is gonna tell you where your best is. They couldn’t possibly know. 

I don’t mean to ramble but I guess this is how I solidify what I know to be true. I reassign my faith in honing a craft, I guess. I have benefited from it too many times to not know that it works. I can feel it in my body when I know exactly what to do next, and I am tellin y'all no one is ready to be hit with excellence rn. When every word is crucial and every laugh is hard hitting, you can feel when you’ve wrecked shop. People act like you were being rough on them for not letting up. That’s way better than good set. It’s worth trying to leave a crater than to just pass as a competent stand up comedian. WTF does that mean anyway? You can be competent at HVAC repair, why even do stand up if you aren’t trying to make a mark? Half assing is so lame and a waste of time and the opposite of cool. Some of us need this, and need to be always getting better, and you are in the way if you can’t even pretend to care. If you don’t know what you get out of it, don’t do it. If you don’t like the people it puts you around, please quit. If you think it’s all rigged and bullshit then goddam get out of the game. But I will make it as hard as possible to say skill is hardly important. There’s no other reason I would have gotten anything. Trust me, nobody was trying to give me a single thing. I had to take everything I wanted and ignore what didn’t matter. Sounds dramatic, but it kinda is. 

I came into comedy from a low so low that no experience from comedy could compare to my lowest, and so I just trudged along constantly progressing and soon enough, I transcended a “type” by just being much better than anyone might assume. I dunno if it sounds cocky, but that’s really how people see you when you just let em know on stage. I love saying nothing offstage and letting your act speak for you. Anything that is not your act can often hinder you anyway. If you shutup, be nice, and then make your standard seen in your work, people will be more inclined to root for you. You never have this shit nailed. A humbling experience is just around the bend, but avoiding being humbled is like the stoppage of growth. I am rip roarin excited to jump back on my shit and I will fistfight any and all naysayers. Let’s raise the bar on this return of standup. Take the risk of giving a shit and see how that feels. I have never regretted trying hard. It’s only paid off. Of course this is all for myself but I hope others might take away something.