Blogging As If Anybody Asked Me To

Believe it or not, I have gotten a handful of messages of appreciation for my ranty comedy blogs, and even a column I did a decade ago called “Comedy Nerd Out.” Just so y’all know, I usually blog about something as a way to reiterate my own principles about shit and externalize things I’d like to hold myself accountable for. I don’t claim to know everything, and there are many ways to go about something as vague and lawless as comedy, but I like to remind myself of my thought process, and also I am stubbornly determined to be the last tumblr content creator. 

I have to admit, I am over the moon right now that I get to do comedy again. I wish I was cool enough to already be over it and jaded, but I only dork out harder on this shit. I am in Atlanta now after being in NYC for almost 10 years and I am loving the change of scenery and finding it easy to focus on the task at hand thus far. I love NY and especially the comedy scene and all I have gotten from it, but I had a super strong intuition that I needed to change things up big time in order to put together an album that I can be proud of/is better than my previous albums. I kind of love rediscovering all the little things that over the years have become my process. I like being around so many young comics that are getting the same thing I get out of comedy. I am stoked to find out that a dozen years of experience melts away a year of rust in no time, and it’s totally possible to raise the bar for yourself the next set you do. 

I remember the Atlanta I came up in very well, and I have the same feeling I had over a decade ago when I planned to move to NYC and people thought I was crazy cuz no one had done that and stayed. I had no reason to assume that so many of my peers in the ATL scene would end up doing huge things, but I just knew that would happen, and even I am amazed when I start listing the achievements of people I shared the stage with every night. Every late night show, Daily Show star, Last Comic Standing winner, emmy winning writers, podcast beasts, Kilmonger’s momma….the list of people and creds goes on. After you see your homies achieve so much and also make your own goals come to fruition, it only makes it obvious how possible that is. I questioned a lot of shit while laid up in ICU and recovering from multiple surgeries over 2020, but I am saved by the knowledge that I can focus all my effort into one goal and that will result in the highest standard possible when I’m done. It’s much less unnerving when you’ve done it before and reaped the benefits. 

I am having too much fun right now to even start to stress over dumb shit. You can’t kill my vibe rn. Not for a long while really. I hope and pray there is a crew of comics somewhere talking shit about my unrepentant enthusiasm for stand up. I am uncomfortable at the thought of no one thinking I am some kinda lame. I think I am kinda lame tbh, but I have been through too much to not acknowledge what makes me happy, or to pretend to be jaded about the only thing I’ve loved doing for 13+ years. 

I hate that I have the backstory of comedy saving my life, and it makes me cringe to admit it has saved me twice, but that’s the hand I’ve been dealt. If you aren’t someone who actually *needs* this to not go off the deep end, you may think it is dramatic to speak on it in terms of life and death, but that is literally the case for me. I worked with Robert Schimmel before he died and he told me to make myself appreciate every set I get to do, because one set will be your last set. I thought it a touch dramatic to put a period on that point by dying, but it made me embrace the sentiment. I haven’t thrown a set since and doubt I ever will. Anyone that thinks I’m just jawin does not know how stubborn I am. I embrace the entire spectrum of emotions that stand up can drag you through, and especially the more humbling end of the spectrum. I would encourage all you lovable, miserable fucks to do the same. It’s very rewarding. 

Getting out on the road in June and couldn’t be more ampt. I mean, you wouldn’t really notice my amptitude if you saw me, but it’s there. I feel like I have blogged enough for now, and not just because I have to take a shit but cannot unplug my laptop. 

Mayo the Cinco de with you, porfavor 

-Andy

Blogging for posterity

I’ve been slept on plenty, and lemme tell ya, that’s where you wanna be. If you are good at what you do and people tell you you’re owed recognition, or fame, or industry attention, those people don’t know that people in general do not care. It’s not that weird that someone is actually better than status might imply. In fact, that’s the yoosh. It’s rare to see a comedian that struck a chord with you and blew you away, but it happens. Just out of an obsession to be good at this shit, I have blown some people’s minds that found themselves laughing at my shit despite thinking comedy was dumb or cringe or something lame before. And they act like I might be surprised, but of course I’m not. I know what i’m doing, and that person doesn’t. I didn’t fuck up a lifetime of things to be mediocre at the one thing I do know about. People wish they could choose what to laugh at, but they can’t really. You can learn to entertain groups of people you can’t even stand sometimes. It’s a skill you hone to be good at your job. I have no clue what proper recognition feels like, but it seems scary to have people think you are as good as you actually are. 

I dunno how to do my best without thinking about the folks waiting for you to be not shit. This pandemic has changed shit, and people, but it also simplifies your goals. Makes you reaffirm a standard or maybe raise your standard outta nowhere. If other people knew my best stuff was really just as good as it could be despite my tiny mistakes throughout, and cowardliness in not being good enough to tackle certain stuff yet…you’d assume I was beating myself up. But that’s totally true. Only you know really how good you are on all cylanders. I’m flattered that people can appreciate my past stuff and I can be proud of it cuz it meets a certain standard, but I can always tell when I make a ;leap right before or while I’m making it. I love that feeling more than anything. Like you know a lil secret. I think stand up has been kicked so hard being as unnecessary as it is during a pandemic, that those of us who need it and lives are attuned to constantly working on it are kinda over this bullshit. If you think stand up is lame or cringey and are embarrassed by it, please don’t tell me about it, becuase you’re dead ass wrong and it angers me tbh. I purposely do stand up in a way that makes sure I’m not a fuckin goober. As a crowd of people, you really don’t have much choice in the matter. If you’re listening, I will probly get you. Some humor is just higher truth solidified. Laughter is involuntary. I will trick you if I want to, most likely. The art is tricking you into the stuff I want to be discussed and pondered later etc. I miss tricking people en mass, big time. The few sets I’ve done have reminded me that rust shakes right off when it’s preceded by 13 years of diligence. Comedy is so terribly needed, and I can’t wait to be at full steam again. 

I’m sitting on my best material I’ve ever had, and writing the stuff I’ve been wanting to write for a while. As soon as I get back to Jedi mode, put together and record it as an album, I already know it will be better than the last two things I did. I wasn’t sure about that before, but I know when a feeling means something and I know when I am right cuz it so rarely happens. It’s a perfect time to remind everyone that you can’t fake the funk. Good can be good enough to set itself apart and be undeniable. It’s true. If you don’t think stand up can be artful, I pity you. When you see a master midstroke or brush up on brilliance yourself, you can feel it. If you come back to doing comedy after all this and find yourself feeling set back and lost, you just dunno that you can be ten times better tomorrow if you just knew what that’d look like. I guess my point is that if you have it in you to dive back into the pursuit of comedy, why not put thought into everything? Why not give a shit? There’s gonna be early mics filled with self defeated comics that are almost embarrassed to try. There always is. You know, I’ve never regretted acting like I’m trying and making the jokes good. Jokes work when you can relax and trust the joke teller. I can’t hardly listen to comics that half apologize for being up there. I’ve reached a point where if you ask me for notes then buckle up, cuz I will tell you everything that went wrong and you may not be ready to know it’s more than you suspected. I can appreciate the ability to take a hard knock on the chin and see the truth in it. That’s who survives in this racket. 

It’d just be great to remind everyone of what they’ve been neglected. 

If you appear to be hustlin, make sure there’s purpose. Wasted energy on the grind without much thought is so exhausting. I’m too old to pretend to be grinding around. I love what I do, it’s never been a grind to me. I get a lot out of the process and have proven to myself too many times that you can set your sights on something out of reach and will yourself to it by just being legit. No one wants to hear they can always be better, and no one wants to hear they are not better enough yet…but yer not. Embrace the humbling experience of something extremely hard. You know when you have leveled up, cuz everyone else is surprised. It’s the best to know you could be that much better and then turn out to be right. Once you are competent at all, no one is gonna tell you where your best is. They couldn’t possibly know. 

I don’t mean to ramble but I guess this is how I solidify what I know to be true. I reassign my faith in honing a craft, I guess. I have benefited from it too many times to not know that it works. I can feel it in my body when I know exactly what to do next, and I am tellin y'all no one is ready to be hit with excellence rn. When every word is crucial and every laugh is hard hitting, you can feel when you’ve wrecked shop. People act like you were being rough on them for not letting up. That’s way better than good set. It’s worth trying to leave a crater than to just pass as a competent stand up comedian. WTF does that mean anyway? You can be competent at HVAC repair, why even do stand up if you aren’t trying to make a mark? Half assing is so lame and a waste of time and the opposite of cool. Some of us need this, and need to be always getting better, and you are in the way if you can’t even pretend to care. If you don’t know what you get out of it, don’t do it. If you don’t like the people it puts you around, please quit. If you think it’s all rigged and bullshit then goddam get out of the game. But I will make it as hard as possible to say skill is hardly important. There’s no other reason I would have gotten anything. Trust me, nobody was trying to give me a single thing. I had to take everything I wanted and ignore what didn’t matter. Sounds dramatic, but it kinda is. 

I came into comedy from a low so low that no experience from comedy could compare to my lowest, and so I just trudged along constantly progressing and soon enough, I transcended a “type” by just being much better than anyone might assume. I dunno if it sounds cocky, but that’s really how people see you when you just let em know on stage. I love saying nothing offstage and letting your act speak for you. Anything that is not your act can often hinder you anyway. If you shutup, be nice, and then make your standard seen in your work, people will be more inclined to root for you. You never have this shit nailed. A humbling experience is just around the bend, but avoiding being humbled is like the stoppage of growth. I am rip roarin excited to jump back on my shit and I will fistfight any and all naysayers. Let’s raise the bar on this return of standup. Take the risk of giving a shit and see how that feels. I have never regretted trying hard. It’s only paid off. Of course this is all for myself but I hope others might take away something. 

Pandemic Worry and btw I am Moving

This pandemic is starting to mess with my head-down brand of optimism. I pursued stand up as a career and people immediately thought I was crazy, stupid, or both those and much more. I was the first to move to NYC from the Atlanta scene and people half expected me to move back after making no headway. Well, it’s been 13 years doing comedy and 9 years living in NYC and now everyone is like “your industry is doomed. What are you gonna do now?” Well, I’m gonna do what I’ve always done: Plan A. And if that doesn’t work out, I dunno, make it work out of spite?…commit crimes(again)? I make Plan A work cuz there’s never been a plan B, ya dicks. I’m not brave, I’m single-minded and hate doing shit I don’t wanna do. I dunno what comedy will look like after all this, but I’ll be doing comedy, even if it means a financial hit like I never imagined and have to live off even less-livable income. I’m 37 and have honed  very few employable skills. The one I got good at is the least respected art form after poetry that rhymes. If stand up comedian is no longer a job title (something dating apps and Tax forms have already decided), then I will trade sexual favs for money and get on whatever stage will let me, or perhaps when no one’s paying attention I can sneak up there for a few jokes. 

I dunno, I really don’t like when people are doubtful out loud about what I’m gonna do. You life-preparing nerds don’t realize that me and most of my friends thought we would be dead by now. I’ve been wingin it this whole time. I can adapt to a lot. I’d worry about the hellscape of *your* careers post-Covid. They’re tryin to wipe student debt because they know it was a huge waste of money to begin with (except for the friends you made along the way). I could land some random zoom corporate gig and be up huge, while salary workers get all their time squeezed from them and could be let go for no reason. Whatever state comedy is in, it will always be hard and only so many people will be really good at it. I’ve gotten enough crowds to laugh at me on purpose for enough years to believe I know what I am doing. I admit to not knowing most things, but when it comes to the thing I DO know about, I’m more than all in. You would have to be high off your ass to know me at all and not know that I am way too stubborn to fail at something I actually took the time to learn. Honestly, I don’t play chess because I got good enough at chess to beat morons and people who have forgotten the game mostly, but I am beaten by really good players who take the time to study and stay sharp. What a nightmare it is to be decent enough at something. There are a ton of decent enough comedians and I dunno what drives them. Comedy is a very humbling experience that never stops humbling you. It’s brutal, really. It’s almost like it can’t let you think you’ve figured it out. Other interests aren’t like that. people don’t get into crosshatching to find out that you didn’t know a damn thing about crosshatching for like 5 years, and then crosshatching in NY or LA is like starting over almost. The very fact that I have proposed this ridiculous analogy is a product of comedian brain logic: to crystallize a premise and get it across by simplifying it for people. Some comics are all analogies. Can you imagine your coworker having to explain how one thing is kinda like another thing if ya think about it? Like all the time?

No, you don’t know my coworkers, and you couldn’t handle them either. You don’t know club bookers, producers and the like that I have had to deal with. No one likes a snake in the grass, so imagine the snake that has to scam from comedians who fight to be paid pretty much always less than we are worth. I’ve been told, “yeah but you aren’t Steve-O” and then had to have a whole conversation about what sub-Steve-O money I’d be getting. I am proudly NOT Steve-O. I get the point is that Steve-o will sell out a weekend whilst I will have numbers reflecting time of year/weather/the circus being in town…in other words, I won’t be a huge draw to non-comedy nerds, but I will do a much better job than Steve-O or the like for the people that come out. Also Steve-O stole my closer where I staple my nutsac to my leg.  I’ve had to babysit drunks, stop fights, start fights, threaten, charm, and appease some idiot heckler that he wasn’t an idiot for heckling me, if that’s what gets the show moving. I’ve given up relationships for comedy and taken on burdening relationships for it. It’s been my whole life, or what of it is worth a shit.

People gathering in crowds in low ceiling rooms and laughing a bunch is a scary thought for most right now. I dunno if we’ll ever be as gross as we were before all this, but I do cornily believe that comedy is necessary for people, at the very least to convince them they would probably be good at it. Whatever the landscape of comedy is, I will be up in there somewhere and will be a big enough asshole about it to take pride in what I’m doing. So if stand up turns into instagram story hot takes, then I’ll do my version of that, and it will have to be good or I’ll stop. 

People get annoyed that unfunny comedians find success, and I dunno how to explain to comedians that they are not actually jealous of the comic who they think sucks because of the success one might presume they have. Imagine being so entrenched in comedy that you don’t even know regular people don’t follow it. If fame and fortune are your comedy goals, you are a goddam idiot. It is a conman’s job. I trick people all the time and lie to them just to make them laugh at my jokes. I have entertained a crowd of strangers I did not like for hours at a time, countless times. And as fucked up as it is, not tricking people etc. for such a long stretch has fucked with me mentally. Considering making broad announcements in public just to herd a crowd.

Comedy is not my therapy. If I could go to and stick with therapy, I probably would’ve never tried stand up. I don’t need this to fulfill my creativity and create joy yada yada. I need this so I don’t end up running an illegal card game again, or try to be the best at doing drugs again. It sounds silly to say comedy saved my life, but it shifted everything at a crucial time for me and gave me something to dump all my energy into. So I guess I do often refuse to give into comedy pessimism, even when it’s the fun kind. I don’t pretend to be embarrassed of what I do, or play it off as “some dirtbag mumbling out ma dick jokes.” If I am never too cool for this shit, you are definitely not too cool to care about it. I may even be a dirtbag with dick jokes, but I know what all goes into jokes too well to shit on what I’m doin. Even if you are a comedian I don’t much care for (rare, really) I don’t want to hear you badmouth stand up in general. If you are doing it well, you won’t feel embarrassed at all. PSA comedians: if we get comedy back, please don’t pretend to be ashamed to promote yourself either. Who gives a shit? Like it is dumber than any other status er tweet. Let’s just all agree to not do things that annoy me. 

I don’t think I mentioned this, but my lease in NY ends March 1st and I am not renewing. I am gonna live in Atlanta for a little bit to have a better/more likely place to work out and record the album I was getting together this time last year. NY is still my home, but I feel it’s gonna be the very last place to have live comedy anywhere near full capacity. At least down south, outdoor shows will be doable by March. I am not against indoor shows, but have to be pretty certain they are actually distanced. I’m hoping not to have to make that call where I decide if it’s worth risking disease to have 1 too many people laugh at my funny make em ups. I hope I am wrong and I end up moving back to BK earlier than I thought, but I don’t see that happening.

What I do see happening (that could be good) is: shit like this thins out the herd. That goes for comedians and comedy business ventures/sketchy bookers/clubs/vultures etc. Anybody fuckin with comedy 100% after all this is definitely in it cuz they love it (too much probly). Gatekeepers will change, gates themselves will change. I wouldn’t worry too much about the shifting sands. They’ve always been shifting. I’m not some fat old chickenhawk telling the young ones “don’t worry, it’ll all work out.” It doesn’t for most. That’s just the nature of the game. I have forgotten more mediocre comedians than most will ever meet. I’m just sayin the rules don’t change as far as funny is funny. You can’t fake it. You have to actually get good, and then get way better than that to make an impression like you are different somehow. I’m lookin forward to a different environment to sharpen myself back to top shape, and then exceed that to get into recording mode. And I am not a fucking dork that thinks Star Wars is our Odyssey BUT I do feel like a Jedi that has been chilling for too long. I have only as much rust as is unavoidable with not doing comedy for months. but that rust will get shaken off soon and I’ll get sharp enough again to not have to think about what I’m doing because it’s just what I do. I miss that.

I almost forgot what it’s like to just hear jokes and not instantly pick apart everything about them. Almost. I actually never build up too much rust because you can’t get my brain to not dedicate a lobe er two to jokes at all times. If any comedians are looking to me for some words of wisdom, first of all, I’m sorry you’ve landed here. Secondly: you don’t have to do a million things, just whatever you do, do it better than anyone would expect. I’m a terrible multi-tasker juggler person. I am terrible at writing packets and auditioning for shit that doesn’t seem like me. I have never had a meeting with industry and not dashed their hopes halfway through by revealing my true self. I have learned to focus on one thing, obsessively, until it is done and better than I hoped or others expected (hatin ass others). I wouldn’t recommend that for everyone, but I found a process in that. You may be more of a sane, reasonable non-obsessive person that can handle 3 things on their plate. I have found I can’t trust myself with a plate.

I don’t claim to have some tried and true process. No one does. If they did, they’d be exactly where they want to be and would have nailed everything on the way. If that’s you, well fuck you anyway. The only things I know work for sure are: Being funny. Sounds stupid and maybe it is, but you gotta be funny and know that you are and how. The other certainty is you have to write. Like literally, you have to have a time where you sit and write, or in my case pace and talk to myself, or maybe you journal every day. Whatever you do, you have to do it. You want fall into brilliance on accident. If you do, that means there was a lot more had you done a little digging. No one likes to hear this at all, so you know it’s probably true. You aren’t gonna be a great comedian on accident. Last certainty I will blab about: set a higher standard. Higher than what? I dunno, whatever standard there is around. My favorite feeling after a pretty much perfect set is just relief. Thank gawd I didn’t fuck up anything bad and they laughed hard at everything. That’s what is supposed to happen. I can’t help it now, but after a great set I am more numb than anything for a while. Hours after even an incredible show, I’m pretty even keal. Then later that night I process everything and can’t sleep worth a shit because I am too geeked. Comedy still does that to me. Now more than ever really. The first thing I do after a set is smoke a cigarette (sorry mom) and go over everything I just did and if no big mistakes jump out (and boy do they jump out) then I think about ways I missed out on something by making little mistakes people other than me wouldn’t notice. Then I’ll think about if the order I chose works best or worked enough. Tons of things to think about before considering the laughs you got on the things that should be bulletproof. That’s just jerking off, which is for later on when you are alone or at least no one can see you. 

Maybe I am just spinning myself into a rosy outlook, but I am looking forward to being in Atlanta a bit and annoying all the comics here with my uncontrollable comedy habits. I came up in Atlanta in a scene that, looking back, was an insane class to “graduate” from…Clayton English, Dave Stone, Shalewa Sharp, Noah Gardenswartz, Rob Haze, Caleb Synan, Mia Jackson…just to name a few off top. There are also monsters from my time that have moved away and back… All of us way back comics pushed each other and were honest af with each other. Never bitch about when you’re going up or who you’re following. Never too cool for school.  You just felt like an idiot doing Star Bar on Monday and having to follow Clayton English doin some shit you don’t even care about. Now there are hella TV credits among all those names, but honestly when we got to know each other, no one had done shit. There was just clout that came with being really funny. I feel like that’s the best way for a scene to be. Everyone can be super nice to everyone at their job or some shit. Comedy and your comedy peers should mean more than that. I’m not confrontational at all really, but if someone I know and like doesn’t notice they are on some bullshit, or why something didn’t go how they thought, I’m gonna tell them. If I don’t know you or like you that much, I will already not care about or understand what yer doin anyway. It sounds lame and it probably is, but being in NYC for 9 years and swimming with monsters every night changes your standards and how you go about things. It’s not like a NYC is the best thing, it’s just it’s the biggest scene in the world and most of the best stand up comics in the world live and work there. There’s the most of everything from great to shitty. It’s like grad school for stand up, not that I know about grad school really. But I am 70-80 years older than most of the young comics in Atlanta, and I really don’t mind being the old man in the greenroom. The comics I’ve gotten to know and like a lot in the scene here really have no idea how annoying I can be. Forcing friends to play Joke Machine all the time. Asking why you do this or that in your set. Touching friends inappropriately while they sleep. My friends in NYC are used to it. Almost everyone doing comedy in Atlanta has started after I moved in 2011. It’s now 10 years later, and while I actually look much better, it feels like when I lived here before and was obsessed with being better each set. 

I feel I have sufficiently talked myself into my plans. I’m gonna miss everyone in NYC but I have been missing y’all for a year already. Also, I will be back of course. If you are a comedian reading this, first off, why aren’t you GRINDING rn? Jk, but seriously I hope maybe you feel better about this shit or have developed your own pandemmy plan. I think I gotta put myself in a position to be happy somehow, and I hate my fuckin apartment and it’s gonna be winter until May in NYC like always and I will lose my fuckin mind trying to live there while my reason for living there is nul. Also, I need to do what I can to shorten the timeline of new album tracks getting into rotation cuz ya boi’s residuals need beefin up. I’ll write about how satellite radio is the only real money in stand up at another time.

Late Late Show Set

Words to Graduate By

I’ll be honest here. If I were to travel back in time and tell my younger self that I would one day be giving a commencement speech at the graduation ceremony of a prestigious university, I’d think I was nuts. Firstly, I’d have a hard time buying the whole time traveler story, even from my older self. I mean, why would I waste a trip in time just to tell me about a speech I had to give? Beyond all that tho, I am a high school dropout who makes an artist’s living from stand up comedy: the least respected of the fine arts. Who would hire me to inspire college graduates? Well, older, time-travelling me would know that I was not hired to write or give such a speech, but have taken it upon myself to publish the speech I would give, were a prestigious university to sac up and give your boy the opportunity. Younger me can go on believing he accrues some sort of clout in academia in his mid 30′s. Why take that away from me/him?! My mom would be very happy if this were the case, and it doesn’t hurt anyone, so not a word of this to my mother, please.

Anyway, I’m not here to plead for my mother’s piece of mind, or defend my frivolous use of time travel. I am here to disseminate words of wisdom and warning to the young hearts and minds who are about to make their mark on the absolute shit show that they have inherited from the multitude of prior, fucked up generations. The dumbasses who hamfistedly paved the way so that their future trustees (y’all) could go fuck yourselves. The future is in the hands of all you young, goofy mother fuckers now. The garbage humans before you have made their mess, and now get to be the burden for all youse left in charge of this impossible nightmare dystopia. I implore all of you to nurture not your bitterness. Sure, it would be easy to complain about the state of global affairs and the dying planet in which they fester. YES, you face great adversity, but hop off the goddam cross for a sec. We all know that such adversity makes you stronger, unless of course it just crushes you. You are welcome for that. True greatness shows itself in tumultuous times. That’s something I have read somewhere I believe, or maybe I made it up, but it sounds right, right?! The point is: don’t let your depressing circumstance bring you down. Remember that you can always off yourself if the pain is too much. I’m saying, last resort *obviously*, but it IS an option, so take comfort in that. 

Don’t be afraid to take chances. Lord knows your parents and grandparents rolled the dice like there was no tomorrow. Of course, there was a tomorrow and it is today, but your tomorrow is definitely a goner. Big bummer, I know, but belly aching won’t bring about a habitable planet for your kids to also be ungrateful for. The truth is, fossil fuels are kind of the shit, and we never considered the potential harm in our “smoke em if you got em” approach to nonrenewable resources. Oopsy! It’s not your fault that we had coal power everything for a couple hundred years, but that’s what happened and you don’t get to cry about it now. The shit is gone, kids. Go find your own fossil fuel to burn up: make your OWN WAY. 

Pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and make shit happen, just like no one before you. Get yourself a job or three to pay off the education you were told would give you a leg up. Yes, you are an indentured servant that is being charged interest for the means to a whiff of a piece of the pie, but tuition is outrageous and you weren’t patient enough to save up the few 100 grand it would have taken for you to avoid being in anyone’s pocket. Look at Rodney Dangerfield in “Back to School.” He made millions FIRST and went to college in his 60′s. That was a movie, but anything is possible if you aren’t the one who has to do it, I think.

This speech has really gone off the rails, and I hope to leave you on a positive note, so let’s see if I can pull such a sentiment out of my ass. Life is what you make it, and you gotta make it from the rubble of your ancestors’ mistakes. Yikes. Who would wanna bring a child into this world? I think you guys should just party like Van Halen (David Lee Roth Van Halen) and make the world your hotel suite. Chuck a tv out the window! Nuke the people farthest away from you! Set up an Etsy account offering handmade crafts to consumers, but ship them all big turds in adorable gift bags. 

 It is a gift to know that your lives matter very little. The pressure is off. Your entire generation is on a runaway train to Fucksville, and morality is out the window. Seize this gift of inconsequential existence and give it a furious handjob. The future is NOW because there ain’t nuthin after this. God bless you, you poor bastards, and God bless the United States of America. I’ll be performing at the Melbourne, FL Yuk-em-ups June 11-14. Promo code: SandFART for half off tix. See you in hell, losers! 

Southern Rejuvenation

(Wonder Comedy, ATL)

I got back yesterday from a 2 week jaunt down south slam packed with great shows. Imho, doing shows town to town for crowds of people who aren’t there by accident, and in indy venues that allow you to set the tone of the room…that’s the purest comedy freebase there is. Yer not some guy that’s comin through the Giggle Emporium that weekend, your name is what they’re coming to see and it’s on you to bring that professionalism & value to your name for it to mean anything. It’s a much more intimate experience and the best way to build an actual following. Really it’s the realest a comedy show can be, and it makes you the most on top of your game. 

(Star Bar, ATL)

 I was so impressed with scenes all around the south that are diligent with a DIY approach to producing comedy shows that show people just how good they can be. The clubs either play ball and help grow the scene (ie Zanies Nashville), or get left in the dust trying to govern the whole scene (Comedy Catch in ‘Nooga) . I’m very proud of my hometown of ATL and the comics there making shit happen. I love all the youngins who’re stoked on comedy for the right reasons. I love seeing the big fish set a high bar for the scene itself, just like when I was there with the group of monsters I came up with.

(Highland Inn Ballroom, ATL)

 I’ve been doin this for about a dozen years and I have to say that it only gets better/more fun to do. I know it’s sorta cool to be embarrassed that you do comedy, and like you’re so over it or something; but I feel quite the opposite and I feel sorry for ya if ya only get so much out of it. Don’t ever be embarrassed to nerd out with other comics, or revel in a great show. Let the jaded get faded. Get better than anyone would expect of you, and save the networky talk for general meetings/yer mom. That’s what makes the southern killers in comedy stick out, aside from noticeable chops: setting a higher bar, and then setting another. 

(JJ’s Bohemia, Chattanooga)

 Big thanks to the scenes and Fandy’s of Chattanooga, Huntsville, Nashville, Memphis, and ATL. I love to see the endless hustle that goes without saying among the comics that set the bar down there. It ain’t an accident that my ATLien-NYC transplant fam are all funnier than the comics from your home scene 😎

(Epic Comedy Hour, Huntsville)

Andy Sandford’s Shameful Information Showcases Some of the Finest Joke Writing Around

thecomedybureau:

Whenever we watch Andy Sandford, we can’t help but think how Andy makes his jokes as funny as they can be. Whether they be extended stories or classic set-up/punch style jokes, Andy meticulous tinkers with how his bits are written and delivered to their funniest point. 

Shameful Information, Andy’s just-released special, exhibits Sandford’s exquisite craftsmanship that’s so enjoyable that you probably won’t even think about how an hour has passed by the time it’s done. Andy taped the special at Star Bar in Atlanta, his hometown, giving a much more genuine feel than you’d might get with a special performed in a gigantic theater. On top of all of that, Andy closes it with one of our all-time favorite jokes about inner city kids watching Abbott & Costello’s Who’s On First.

Also, we’d like to note that this special was recorded pre-2016 election and, for what it’s worth, there is a wondrous air devoid of the unmistakable cynicism of the current moment.

So, you can (and should) get and watch Shameful Information on iTunes right here.

thanks a bunch, @thecomedybureau !